She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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