dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
