if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
