You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
