So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize