guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
