This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
