I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
