i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
