Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
