Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
