so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
