Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
