Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
