The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
