omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
