the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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