The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
