I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
