i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
