I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
a search helicopter?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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