i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
