can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
