I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
