Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
