Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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