He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
