what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
