Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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