Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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