So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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