and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
