it hurts more in the daytime
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
