it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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