My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
