I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
