Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
