He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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