Midget sex pt 2 tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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