I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
