the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
