god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
