We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
