She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
