There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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