I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
