i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
