they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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