So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
