I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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