I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
