is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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