and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
