I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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