So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
