did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
