I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
