I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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