What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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