i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
