Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
