My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
