There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize