if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
