I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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