his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
