your parents love me but you hate me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
