You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
