I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
