i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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