butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
