I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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