My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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