I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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