I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
