i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
