My friends, they love my intelligence
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
