Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
